Snuggle

Quick post...

I am sitting here snuggled up with Lena. She just finished reading a huge stack of books. Boy, do I love hearing her read! I am so proud that her favorite subject in school is math and that she is a fantastic reader. Nothing warms my heart more!

I hope this will be a life-long love for her...

Taking it Easy

The first weekend of the new year is coming to a close. As I reflect on my last few days, I have to admit I really only accomplished one of my goals. I spent quality time with my children. It has been so much fun to just stay at home, clean and organize and play games with the kids. We were able to make cookies, and make dinner together. They both love to help out in the kitchen. While it is easier and much faster for me to cook/bake alone, I really enjoyed having them both there to help me. We got to watch movies together and snuggle on the couch. This might have been the best way for us to ring in the new year together. We were so busy during the holidays that it was refreshing and rejuvenating to spend quality time together, relaxing at home.

So, as I look to the coming month and year. I will remember to take time each week, each day to spend quality time with each of my children. Some of the best memories of their childhoods are waiting to be made!

New year, new beginnings, new me!

2011 is coming to a close and I am now looking forward to 2012. 2011 was full of a lot of exciting times for my family. Lena connected with her father. I got a "big girl" job and I purchased my first home for my family. The last 3 months of 2011 have been filled with many memorable times in our new home. These times I will never forget.

However, with the new year just days away, I'm forced to look to my future. In January my son will be 3, I will be 26 and my daughter will be 8 in March. We have much to look forward to in 2012. The new year also comes with making resolutions. While I have never been one to make resolutions, partly because I've been known to not stick with everything I decide to do, I've decided to make a few "life goals." I think it sounds better and it gives me more time to complete the tasks I've set in front of myself! :)

My life goal from 2012 on is... to become a whole person.

How I decided on this life goal, is through Jane Fonda. Strange and random, yes, I know. But I was watching Jane Fonda when she appeared on the Rosie show on OWN. She kept talking so positively about being a "whole person." She sounded so happy, centered and certain of her being. THAT is what I want, for me and the example I want to show my children.

So, under this umbrella sized life goal, I have several, maybe too many, goals and things I want to do during my life for myself and my children. These are things that we all probably wish we could do but they get pushed to the back burner because "life" gets in the way. Well, what if these items on the list, are my life? They, in fact, become part of my routine. Then, it wouldn't seem like half the hassle to accomplish. However, keeping in mind that I don't have to complete everything on my list this year, I won't feel bad at the end of 2012 if I haven't even began to consider one item on my list. I plan on adding things as I go, too.

Here are my sub-goals:
-exercise more (what list wouldn't be complete without this?)
-eat healthy
-read more books (I have complied a list of 1001 books to read before I die)
-join/donate to NPR
-be less hypocritical (we all are, even if we don't admit to it)
-understand my views of God and faith
-read a poem a day to my kids and myself (downloaded an app for that)
-spend more quality time with my children
-volunteer with my children
-restart my blog (I'm getting an early start! Why wait?)
-read more books to my children (also, complied a list of 1001 children's books to read before you grow up)
-write more letters to family and friends
-save money
-do primary historical research on a topic of interest
-be more politically aware- locally, nationally, globally

This may seem like a daunting list. And it is... life is. I'm up for the challenge. And I feel that doing this, I will also be setting a great example for my children. So, as I drink another glass of water, instead of my normal diet coke, I'm already on my way to becoming a whole person...

Just one more added item for today... I will love more. I will love my children, my family, strangers, friends, and myself more.

Bento!!

This past Friday evening, I went to the local toy store, Imagination Station, for a Bento class for moms. It is one of the best most exciting things I've done lately! Not only for the margaritas but for all the information I learned.

For those who do not know, bento is a Japanese form of packing lunches in compartmentalized boxes that is very pleasing to the eye, environmentally friendly, healthy and just plain fun! I joined in on the fun and got Lena her own bento lunch box for the school year.

At the class, we not only learned about the product itself, but many other ideas for packing healthy lunches for our children when we are constantly surrounded by fast food and other unhealthy options. There are wonderful little "picks" for sticking into a cherry tomato that make lunch enjoyable for the kiddos. You can use reusable silicone muffins cups for a healthy sweet muffin for desert or as another holder for some blueberries. To get away from using baggies, all. the. time, use the Itzy Ritzy line of food grade zipper bags that you can throw in the laundry! There is another similar line at Imagination Station with smaller bags as well.

All of these options can be overwhelming to some all at once. But it got me so excited to start packing lunch for Lena this school year! When I got home and showed Lena her new lunch box she was over-the-top excited and it was purple- one of her favorite colors!

I highly suggest trying this form of lunch packing for the kids and yourself! They have adult lunch boxes as well. If you don't want to buy the bento boxes at least give the style of packing a lunch a try. Just use your plastic containers from home and use them for your child's lunch.

Growing pains...

There have been many cases of growing pains in my house lately... not my daughter or son, but me! As a parent, it is extremely difficult to watch my children grow up but at the same time so amazing and enjoyable- very bittersweet!

Lena will be starting first grade in a couple weeks. The thought of watching her walk into school that first morning brings me to tears. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her like it was yesterday and now she is starting first grade and will be seven-years-old soon. Where has the time gone?!?

While this is all very hard for me to swallow, I know I can't stuff my kids in a box and keep them from growing and experiencing all the good and bad life has to offer. It pains me to think that they will each get their heart broken and be faced with decisions at a young age that they shouldn't have to deal with ever. This is the world we live in today, however. Children are being forced to grow up younger and younger.

But, for now I'm going to stop focusing on the growing pains and focus on the joy of being here to see them grow and leading them through life. I got Lena a book today as she prepares to enter first grade and I will end with the first page of this book...

"Oh my baby, little one,
the hardest thing I do
is hold you tight, then let you go,
and walk away from you..."
Taken from Oh My Baby, Little One by Kathi Appelt

Praying....???

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking in regards to praying. I have never been one to bow my head and fold my hands and be "in a state of prayer." It is not comfortable to me and my parents never forced me to do so. I do not force Lena and Lex to pray daily, or even at all. At church when we are asked to bow our heads and the pastor leads the congregation in a prayer, I do not. I sit with my head up and listen to the words of the prayer.

When I do pray, I pray because I am scared. I pray for comfort. When I am really thankful and overwhelmed with the sense of happiness, I pray and thank God for all he or she has given me. However, this is not on a regular basis.

I recently read an article on the philosopher, Kant, and what he believed about prayer. He believed that prayer is just a selfish act of believers- to comfort themselves in times of need and fear.

I can relate. The times that I do pray, it is for my own benefit. I am exactly what Kant described. Perhaps that makes me a horrible or bad "believer." I like to think that makes me human. My take on praying is that, if God is what we say she is, then why do I need to pray? Doesn't she already know what I'm going to pray and need for that day, month, year? I think I'm limiting God's powers by saying, "this is what I need now God." Like God needs my direction.

I believe that God hears my thoughts (all the good and bad) throughout the day. I am thankful for what I've been given- my relationship with God allows me to not pray. So, I will not force my children to pray and I will continue to not pray regularly and pray only when I need comfort. Whether this is right, wrong, black or blue this is where my relationship stands with my God.

Is she a brat? Or just 6-years-old?

I have this little notebook that I carry with me at all times in my purse, to jot down bits of information so that I will not forget them. This notebook contains information from what I needed to pack for vacation this past May, my weekly grocery list, information about Elena Kagan's past experience to thoughts I have throughout the day.

Yesterday morning, while sitting at my desk, I began to think about my daughter Lena and her horrible and embarrassing behavior Sunday afternoon. I quickly made a notation: "am I raising a brat or is she just 6-years-old?"

On Sunday, we were shopping for a gift for a party we were going to that evening and Lena wanted something from the store as well. I must admit, often times I will get her a little something when we are at the store. However, that day, she wanted everything we were getting for her friend's birthday and I said no. She ended up crying through the entire store while I quickly got the necessary items, a birthday card, a gift bag and tissue paper.

I tried to explain over and over, in a stern voice, that it was Emma's birthday and that she got presents when it was her birthday. Finally, I had had it. She wasn't going to stop crying and my face was getting a deeper and deeper shade of red. I wanted to swat her on the butt and tell her to shut up. But, I didn't. All I could think was, "why is she being so selfish?" "why does she act like this with me?" We left the store and I decided we were not going to attend the party.

However, we went to the party. Lena promised to be on her best behavior and she was. A totally different child than three hours before. I got to thinking, why, oh why, is she always naughty with me and only me?

The afternoon after I wrote in my notebook I got the answer to my question. She disobeys me because she can. Not because there are not consequences for her actions but because she knows I will always love her and I will always be there to hold her as she falls asleep each night.

I got my answer from my son Lex's occupational therapist. She explained to me about her son and his behavior at home and away from home. I wanted to break down in tears because she was describing my daughter word for word. Lena is a wonderful student, listens and minds at church in Sunday school class, behaves well (mostly) in public and with other family members. But when she gets with me she lets down her guard because she knows she can. She does not have to be perfect for me. She can run around at home and recharge herself because she knows what is expected of her in all situations.

Lena is not a brat. She is not selfish. She is loving, tender, kind, eager to please and learn. She is my daughter and most importantly she is 6-years-old.